Tuesday, April 8, 2008


At a time.

It always shocks me when I find a man to be attracted to me, particularly in the grungiest of settings and in my least feminine state.

We know from my past entries that FG can’t decide if he wants me, how he wants me, etc.

Turns out this week that one of our delivery guys has feelings for me too, and made the mistake of asking FG if he thinks I would be interested in him. FG got a little threatened, and asked me about seeing him, and I said, “Sure, why not?” for several reasons.

I don’t want to see FG anymore, and he never seems to get that. I don’t want another man who is all about the pain and suaveness and slickness.

Henry, the delivery driver, is just a plain and simple guy. (I don’t mean simple in the terms of stupid, but simple in terms of unpretentious.) He is a happy guy and doesn’t seem to harbor any feelings of smugness or superiority toward me. (FG does try to convey some superiority, but it’s unfounded, since he doesn’t make a real effort to win my respect.) Henry is a lot like Kevin James in “The King of Queens” in build and sense of humor, except Henry is a second-generation Puerto Rican who can’t speak a word of Spanish, much like me.

All of the guys love him, too. And he loves them. He also works for the trucking company, and not for my company, so there’s no barrier of manager vs subordinate there. I get the feeling he would actually call me if I gave him the option, and I get the feeling that he wouldn’t make me wait. I get the feeling that he would be respectful and funny and kind. He’s not a looker or pretty boy like Gary or FG, but he seems loving. Which I would want more than the stupid sex appeal at this stage.

FG says it’s fine if I go out with Henry, but in the end he knows that I’ll end up with him. He’s willing to make a personal threat on it. I looked at him point blank in the face and said only this, “If you’re going to kill me to keep me, go ahead. Anyone in San Francisco would do the same to me for a lot less on any given day, and I don’t have much to live for. So do as you want. In the end you’ll just deny two people life and happiness and you’ll have to live with it.”

Some days I thoroughly hate this place. But it’s good to see Henry around.

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