On Saturday night my roommate and I watched the end of a movie called “The Feast of Love,” and Morgan Freeman’s character says a line to the effect of “You can always see the end in the beginning.” When he said it, I felt as though someone had just opened the window in a stifling hot room and the cold air pushed in like a frosty exhale.
The little things that have not sat right with me prove themselves in the end of the ordeal. I feel some sort of accomplishment in that, knowing that I am not nuts, but can trust my senses after all. The next step, I feel, is to not judge myself for not trusting the senses but to collect the experience and make the next mistake mean more. Not to avoid the mistakes. I will never avoid the mistakes.
But I want them to mean more.
I make the same mistake a couple of more times. But it will mean more with each testing of them.