All the Monkeys Aren't In The Zoo

The top story here in San Francisco since December 25th of 2007 has been the safety and security of zoos, and, for the sake of this argument, let’s throw circuses in here too. I am fully aware that this statement will sound contradictory coming from someone who had a domesticated cat in her home for 8 years, but I’ll plow in anyway. Humans are a mass of contradictions.

There are two facets to this story that I would like to argue: that zoos and circuses shouldn’t be allowed and that zoos and circuses shouldn’t be allowed in San Francisco. I’m saying the first facet during my brother’s move to San Diego, which supposedly has the best zoo in the country. Perhaps after I see that one I’ll change my mind. As it stands now, though, I have strong convictions against any WILD animal in captivity. When I was on the ranch in Missouri the beef cattle roamed free on the acreage; the only time that they were penned up close was during vaccination round-up and to go to market. Yes, there were fences, but the cattle would get out…one had to accept that…there was no month-long story on how the cattle broke the fence or went to say howdy to the neighbor’s cattle. It was a pain, but it was ranching. All this, and cattle possess some level of domestication. Some ranchers in Missouri even put a donkey in with the cattle or horse herds to make the herd more approachable and able to take direction.

Note to the zookeeper or circus trainer—don’t put donkeys in with the tigers.

The argument for a zoo is that it’s there for protection of the animal, or there to study the animal for science, to understand them better. (For the life of me, I don’t know what the argument for a circus animal is.) But to say that you are protecting the animal by caging it is like watching Meg Ryan in the movie “French Kiss”—“Honey, you keep watching those shows you watch and you’ll never leave the house.” Protected by fear never cleans up well. To say that you cage the animal because you want to study it is the difference between the lab-coated guy with the gloves and Indiana Jones. Yes, you get to see the Inca artifact up close, but you have to have all of these precautions and you are seeing the subject in the light of all of these precautions. If you go to where the Ark is, then you see why it’s there and a bigger picture of what it is trying to tell you.

In a nutshell: Wanna see a wild animal? Get some expertise, stop being a coward, and go visit one where it lives. Don’t move it in with you and expect it to be a good roommate. Twelve foot wall or twenty foot wall, it will find its way out.

That, and to compromise the animal that much is selfish.

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When I saw Bess at PetSmart in July of 1999, she was in a 2’ x 2’ cage with three other male kittens. The boys were climbing all over each other, climbing the door, showing off. Bess was mashed into the left side of the front of the cage, trying to ignore them, plastered into the corner like kitty caulking. When I pulled her out she was miserable and noisy the entire way home to my one-bedroom apartment. (It should go without saying that a Missouri one-bedroom apartment is an f-in’ mansion compared to a California one-bedroom apartment, and is one-third of the rent.) When I got her home and turned her loose she hid from me for two days, and then came out and plastered herself to me for the next 8 years. She loved to run and play and hide, but sleep times (on the rare occasions she did that, even at 8 years old) were with me, pressed close.

My brother’s cat Bob came into his life via my parents, and the swarms of stray cats that peppered the 15-acre farm. Bob is part Maine coon cat, part Sumpin’ Else, the “Sumpin’ Else” meaning that we aren’t quite sure what animal his mother coupled with to produce him, and it very well could have been something besides cat. (His vet in Columbus, Ohio, took one look at Bob, looked at my brother, and said, “Where did you get this animal?”) Bob does best when he doesn’t have restrictions—in the apartment, in the car, in your arms—and if you restrict him he will kick your ass and take names, even with no claws. Bob is friendly, and loves certain scratching regimens, but to “hold” him—not wise.

Bess went from a 2 x 2 cage to the world.

Bob went from the world to a cage.

There’s your study. I wouldn’t turn Bob loose at this point—the world would suffer, hehe—but I’m not sure it was a good idea to “tame” him.

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I mentioned earlier a second facet of argument regarding the zoos, and that’s having zoos and circuses in San Francisco. Perhaps a zoo or a circus can operate smoothly everywhere else but here. And perhaps the zoo incidents don’t make me quite so alone in my skepticism of this area, either.

It goes without saying, if you have read/followed this blog at all, that I think the majority of the people of this area are certifiable. Check out any article on the homeless, on Oakland or Hunter’s Point adolescents, and immigration issues in the SF Chronicle and read the comments, and you’ll start to see that I’m not as alone as I thought either. There is a wide population of the City that is not only inconsiderate but belligerent, not just eccentric but irresponsibly crazy. (Yeah, I know, that’s a pot and kettle thing…sue me.) They wage war on those of us trying to behave, they wage war on each other, and they wage war on anything that will respond and that will GIVE THEM ATTENTION. This area is very much about getting attention. (Yep, pot calling kettle black again, since I am a writer and attention is what’s required here too.) Some people don’t want to bring attention to needed areas—they want attention on them in any way possible. So they provoke it.

Provoke is the perfect word for why you don’t want WILD animals in San Francisco.

Colorful people are what made the reputation of this city, yes, I know. But the people have used that as a license and strung it out from “colorful” to “barbed” or “dangerous.” And I’m not saying that the big cats of the zoo were taunted or teased or provoked in any way on the night of December 25th. But I am saying that having lived here, having ridden public transportation here, having walked the sidewalks in any neighborhood here…it’s possible AND probable.

So…

Maybe have the Zoo in San Jose, or Fresno.

But San Francisco isn't well-behaved enough to have a zoo, and no height of any wall is going to fix that.