Back when I was freshly moved to Missouri and writing furiously in the periodicals section of the College of the Ozarks Library, I had dreams of New York. (Prior to moving here the last dreams I had of California were when I was 13 and watching Clark Gable movies...sort of outgrew that by 17...) I imagined a writing life where I would leave the Midwest every year to go live in NYC from the week of Thanksgiving through Valentine's Day, in a little apartment right along the parade route like "Miracle On 34th Street" and toast the crowds below in a thick sweater and comfortable slacks. I would see snow every year, but because I was in a city I would never have to drive in it--I would get all of my staples from a market 50 feet from me on the street level and write all day long.
Strange how lately a couple of things return to me image-wise...I find myself dreaming of obscure intersections and hang-outs that I used to go to in Springfield, and I find myself wishing on NYC again. I read here and there in the Times once a week and here and there in the New Yorker once a week, and follow all of their issues with their new different levels of drivers' licenses.
(Not to mention the fact that their homeless and crime rates are better than ours, which we know is a weakness of mine.)
After my mother's death and after Gary's endeavor I didn't really look to a future at all--nowhere was home. Now I recognize the homes that I have:
- Against my nature - Ohio
- Missouri for the rural
- San Francisco for my own strength
- New York because it is mine
No one suspects New York unless they bring it up...last week one of my guys talked about New York in terms of visiting and all of my passion burst through. It was a little scary to behold. I quickly reined it in, but it was a bit late--he asks me occasionally why don't I live there. Not the right time, I say. The timing has to be right.
And here I am, nearly four years into California, still trying to give it a chance. It has it's moments that I love. I love 826, but they have one of those in NYC. I love Philz, wholly and without condition. I love the weather here, even though there is no snow. (In New York at some point it will become unreasonably hot. I can take cold, but not hot.) And I love the Golden Gate Bridge.
The time just isn't right.
But I get the feeling it will be, someday, and the Smoke will drift east and leave the sunset behind.
"Get out of California, some snow would be nice..."
Happy Thanksgiving, San Francisco, Missouri, Ohio and New York (blushes at the crush). Enjoy the parade.
2 comments:
So which neighborhood are you most attached to? Or is it the idea of the vastness of NYC itself that appeals to you?
I wish I knew more of NYC, but for now the fave neighborhood is Grand Central/NY Public Library area. It's still close to Times Square and Central Park, but possesses some distance.
People who know more of the City think that I would also love Spanish Harlem, and I enjoyed Washington Square as well. There's no real love for NYC's Chinatown or Financial District like I have here.
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