Sunday, November 30, 2008


Been having some pretty consistant nightmares that smack of the movie "Into the Wild" for the last two weeks, but strangely I was without them in San Diego. My brother and I were quiet together--we ate, we talked about how California is different from what we expected, we talked of disappointments, we studied marine life, and then I told MS of my dreams.

"Hmm," he said, "have you ever read the book? It's different from the movie."

I had told MS not only of my dreams but of the meanings of my dreams that my roommate and I had found on the internet.
Starvation = some emotional void in my life
A large dog that I have dies at the end of the nightmare = I'm about to lose a best friend
Since my brother is my best friend that's way more than frightening.

Still, he played me the soundtrack (Eddie Vedder--GOOD STUFF) to the movie and I started to read the book. It was stunning. There was lots of commentary from others the author had talked to that McCandless was "a nut," "arrogant," "stupid," "incompetent," etc. These were much the same comments I heard concerning the adventurers of the movie/book "Touching the Void." WHY DO YOU DO THAT????

But I understand why Chris did it. I can't put it to words yet, and maybe I'm prejudiced, but bring on the nightmares. I want to fly. If a dog I desperately love but have never met dies every night, then he must. I know why I dream this way.

I too am touching a void. The quest now is to fill it, healthy.

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