Remedial

The frustration of not having the internet when I write this is that I can’t look up the sources I need to back up some items of thought. The joy of not having the internet when I write this is that I can’t look up the sources to pin me to a narrower scope of some items of thought.

For instance…

In college my advisor warned us, on more than one occasion and as quote from a famous figure in literature, that the schedule of a writer’s life goes somewhat like this:

You spend from your birth to the age of 30 reading, reading, reading. You read voraciously and insatiably.

When you turn 30, you give up reading and start writing.

I never wanted to give up reading. And perhaps it’s just the power of suggestion. But sadly, I feel my college advisor was right.

In college I cleared about 4 to 6 books a week, and taught for 40 hours on the corporate level, AND wrote papers and short stories, AND cleared three pages a day in my journal. Now I am almost half-way through a book of 538 pages and it has taken me 20 days to get there. I am reading no other books at the moment (unless you count my lesson at 3 pages a day). I write 3-6 pages in my journal and do these blogs and work 50 hours a week.

Why do I feel as though I have regressed or slid back into something beneath me? Why do I feel as though my college days were prolific and now I am simply dabbling in what I wanted?

Don’t tell me it’s age. If you tell me it’s age I will throw Virginia Wolf and Joyce Carol Oates in your face. I love books. I see a stack of books by my bed and I drool. I walk into Stacey’s or Green Apple and grow faint with the prospects. I want to read 4-6 books a week again, and enjoy it with fire like I did then. But I don’t want to go back to college. (For those of you readers who remember, I tried a course at Golden Gate University in Literature in Business for a friend, and was disappointed.) I don’t necessarily want to join a book club. I want to curl up with a good book and not be distracted by the world. I want to spend a rainy day engrossed. I want to forget that I need nourishment, I’m so enraptured.A cultivation based on wish. Perhaps an accomplishment with practice, made easier without the distraction of the internet…although I do miss updating my Facebook status.