Two Years Anniversary

So there's this guy who works for the same company that I do, just at a different location, and he thinks I'm sexy. He makes suggestive remarks on the IM. He wants me. He needs me. He's ready for me.

And, after all, it's "just a bodily function," right? And, after all, I should take these opportunities because they don't come along very often, especially for someone who is "picky" like me, right? And, hey Jo, you gotta grow up sometime and learn how to handle casual sex if you want to live in California, right? And, after all, this guy is a perfectly nice guy--at least he wouldn't kill you, right? And you shouldn't expect anything better than these advances, because guys just don't know how to talk to women, so you should just be grateful that he's talking to you at all, right? And as of today it's been TWO YEARS since you've had sex, and with that kind of track record you're a freak, and--

ENOUGH.

Enough, now.

I've had this argument. I've been here. I've felt homesick and stupid and ignorant and tried to erase such things with dumb decisions. Yes, I suppose I should feel lucky if I get the opportunity to be like the rest of the world, with casual sex, but my time is running out and I would prefer love. And if I can't find that then I will just endure what's here until I get to love, wherever that is. I take this two-year anniversary and I walk to the Bay and I breathe with my new commitment. (Oh, and in case you are reading this without my knowledge--I don't track such things--and you want to know if any advance from a guy will turn me on, or if I'm an ice queen, the answer is NO, I'm not an ice queen, and YES, I can be turned on. Easily. Hold the door open for me, and show interest in something I do without hope of sex. I won't hope for a third item, but if you want bonus points, then have a passion in your life. A passion in your life that isn't sex.)

Treating myself well. And that doesn't always mean spoiling yourself with immediate gratification.

May you be able to breathe through and pass up now what will hurt you later, dear reader.

And nurture love, instead of fashion.

*******

Post Script - I am with the cats and tutoring the kids this weekend, so I will be back next week. Treat yourself well, and sleep that way too.

Much love,
J